I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
