I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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