I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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