I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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