it was like his penis was on wheels.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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