It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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