I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
