Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
