It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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