UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
