Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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