woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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