you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
