i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
