How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
