so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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