We won't sleep together?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
