Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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