Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
