Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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