I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
