I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
