Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
