We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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