you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
