sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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