I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
