All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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