i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
