Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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