he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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