Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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