i will never coherently bang her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
