Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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