He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
