I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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