Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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