I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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