I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
