Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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