Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
