dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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