11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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