You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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