I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I CAN MOONWALK!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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