I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
