Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
