dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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