peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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