I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
