New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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