My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
