you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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